War (2007), starring Jet Li, Jason Statham, and various other ambiguously Asian eye candy.

First off… it’s yakuza, not yaKOOOOOOza. Learn things. Things like the Japanese language. Especially if you’re pretending to be Japanese.

I expect Jason Statham’s Japanese to suck. But Devon Aoki was just an embarrassment to her last name. My God… I was actually cringing and sucking air through my teeth every time she opened her mouth. You’d think that they’d get the one actual Japanese guy on the set [Ishibashi Ryo] to at least correct their damn pronunciation.

Another movie cliche… arrogant Feds. Yes, Feds and cops are ALWAYS arrogant. Always. (But especially Feds.)

Not to spoil the movie for anyone, but there’s a final climactic battle scene between the “good guy” and the “bad guy.” You probably won’t expect just who that is, so I won’t ruin it for you. However, a couple of things stood out:

Why bother with guns when you can fight with swords? And since when do Japanese swords clang-g-g-g-g into each other, sounding like two pipes slamming together? It’s almost as bad as the shing-g-g-g-g crap in “Last Samurai.”

Quite possibly the single worst line (a hard-earned title) in the entire movie comes just before the pre-finale fight scene. The Japanese bad dude starts off his obligatory monologue with “I am reminded of the sengoku (Japanese feudal period)…” Really? Are you?

Now, in his defense, I was just telling a buddy the other week that not a day goes by that I’m not directly reminded of a feudal period that happened centuries before my birth. So I guess it’s possible.

Not that this has anything to do with the movie, but I noticed something I hadn’t caught before. Tough guys are never seen stopping at stop signs. It just doesn’t look tough, I suppose. I’m learning things.

All that said, stuff still blew up and asses were still kicked. And, despite her horrible Japanese, Devon Aoki is still quite cute.

Rating: 2.5 Stars