I’m going to do it. Like having sex with a really hot retard [1], I’ll probably hate myself for it later… but I’m going to do it. Allow me to explain:

Years ago, I used to write about politics from time to time. I used to. I stopped because politicians on both (are there really only two?) sides of the aisle are so full of shit, so vitriolic, so pandering, so insulting as to make me want to show my breakfast to the Pope. Sean Hannity is as nasty, ad hominem, and deceitful as any wacko on the remaining 2 “Air America” stations. It’s like choosing between shit and crap. ‘Nuff said.

So, what’s nipping at my crack this morning? Something I heard on the radio on the way to work simultaneously pissed me off and confused me to the point where I feel I have to write about it just to see if I can trick myself into some level of comprehension.

According to The Guardian [2] (a British paper which is strangely published in a place called “England,” which is apparently right next to British), a British citizen (subject?) working as a teacher in Sudan was “accused of blasphemy for naming a Teddy Bear ‘Muhammad’ has been charged with inciting hatred and insulting Islam.”

Me: OK… I’m with you so far…Teddy Bear… Muhammad… inciting hatred… gotcha.

Apparently, the Brits are disappointed.

The article then goes on to mention that she (the British teacher) was arrested for this “crime” and that the school she teaches at is closed until January out of fear of reprisals.

Me: Perfectly logical so far…

While driving in to work this morning, I heard a news blurb on the radio that claimed she’s been imprisoned for a couple of weeks and that “the Sudanese people” want her put to death for “blasphemy.” [3]

Me: …

Hey, Muslims!!! Is your faith so weak that you can’t take a little blasphemy? Muhammad Muhammad Banana Fanna Fohammad, Mi-My-Mo-mammad… MUHAMMAD!

Let me get this straight… People murdering “infidels” in the name of “The Prophet” is fine, but giving a Teddy Bear the very same name is punishable by death? You’ll murder me for naming my stuffed toy bear the wrong thing, but it’s perfectly OK for Rosie O’Donnell to call her pet bowel movement “Mini Me?” (Actually, that sounds appropriate.) Where is the justice in this mad, mad world?

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m a (Zen) Christian currently living in America. This means that I’m surrounded by all sorts of “blasphemy” on a daily basis. Our law and culture both protect and (to a large degree) even encourage “blasphemy.” The stuff I hear from the anti-Christians is funny and doesn’t really bother me so much. What really cooks my sausage is the bullshit, manipulation, lies, hatred, bigotry, and outright thievery coming from the so-called Christians. They evil they perpetrate in God’s name is the real crime.

But I digress, which means “I’m getting off point.” Like that time at 7-Eleven with Jeremie last month. I needed to get gas, but he just HAD to have a Big Gulp. Neither of us had cash, so I had to put his Big Gulp, a freaking Slim Jim (long story), AND my gas on my credit card. BUT… direct deposit hadn’t registered yet, so my card was declined. Anyway, my only choice was to use the HELOC card, which is supposed to be reserved for home-refurbishing purposes… Oh… sorry. Anyway…

So… if I’ve learned anything from this debacle, it’s that I should be pissed off that my gardener is named “Jesus.” In fact, the Ancient Greek Deist in me is double pissed because it’s pronounced, “Hey! Zeus!”

How does one reason with someone who wants to kill one because of how one named one’s Teddy Ruxpin?

I hereby declare “struggle” [4] on both Mexico and the Ancient Hellenic Republic.

[1] © 2004, Jeremie Lederman
[2] http://www.guardian.co.uk/sudan/story/0,,2218420,00.html
[3] blas·phe·my - \?blas-f?-m?\ - “You saying bad things about my God.”
[4] English for “kampf” (e.g. “mein”) which is German for “jihad.”