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- Movie Review: Sweeney Todd
WHAT THE FUCK???
Sweeney Todd managed to combine two of my favorite things… slashing throats and singing for no apparent reason. I now have an inexplicable craving for penis and an uneasy fear of barbers.
At least it settled my long-standing suspicion that Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter are, indeed, the same person. Ah, the […] - Movie Review: Resident Evil III
It was no Dragon Wars.
- Movie Review: Dragon Wars
This movie is the worst lump of shit ever excreted from the bowels of a filmmaker in the history of… everything.
Contrary to what the movie trailers lead me to believe (i.e. that this was going to be the giant reptilian equivalent of “Transformers”), this movie is actually about the modern-day fulfillment of a 500 year […] - Movie Review: War
War (2007), starring Jet Li, Jason Statham, and various other ambiguously Asian eye candy.
First off… it’s yakuza, not yaKOOOOOOza. Learn things. Things like the Japanese language. Especially if you’re pretending to be Japanese.
I expect Jason Statham’s Japanese to suck. But Devon Aoki was just an embarrassment to her last name. […]